Do you know what today is?

Today is…

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NOVEMBER 7^th.

That’s right folks, the 311^th day of the year in the Gregorian calendar.

Today is the day that the Battle of Tippecanoe was fought in 1811 near present-day Battle Ground, Indiana. Battle Ground, resting in the state’s safely Republican-held 4^th district, is not a battleground in 2006.

Today is the day that Zachary Taylor was elected president in 1848 in the very first U.S. presidential election to be held in every state on the same day. How about that?

Today is the day that the elephant was first prominently used as a symbol of the Republican Party, in a cartoon by Thomas Nast appearing in Harper's Weekly in 1874.

Today is the day that Albert Camus, President Bush’s favorite writer ever, was born in Mondovi, Algeria in 1913.

Today is the day that the first issue of The New Republic was published in 1914. Exactly 33,536 days later, TNR’s Lee Siegel would be suspended and his column shut down for pseudonymously attacking his critics in his own comments section.

Today is the day that Jeannette Rankin of Montana was elected to the House of Representatives in 1916 as the first female member of the United States Congress. She would become the only member of Congress to vote against United States entry into both World War I and World War II. Ironically, she was a Republican.

Today is the day that Bolshevik leaders Vladimir Lenin and Leon Trotsky led revolutionaries in overthrowing the Provisional Government in Petrograd, Russia as part of the Russian Revolution in 1917 (though the date was October 25 by the Julian calendar still in use in Russia at the time). Btw, today is also the day that Trotsky was born in Yanovka, Kherson Province, Ukraine in 1879. Not that the Midterm Roundup is trying to draw any parallels between that lefty takeover and… you know what, nevermind.

Today is the day that Hiroshi Yamauchi was born in 1927. Yamauchi was the president of Nintendo from 1949 until 2002, helping transform the company into the video game empire that it is today. Super Mario Bros., Blades of Steel, A Boy and His Blob? You have Hiroshi to thank.

Today is the day that Richard Nixon said, “you won't have Dick Nixon to kick around anymore” in what he called his “last press conference,” after losing the California gubernatorial election of 1962.

Today is the day that President Richard Nixon defeated Senator George McGovern for reelection in 1972, providing the conservative media the opportunity to forever conflate “anti-war” and “gigantic loser.”

Today is the day that the U.S. Congress in 1973 overrode President Nixon's veto of the War Powers Resolution, which limits presidential power to wage war without congressional approval. Of course waging war with blind congressional approval is still totally legal.

Today is the day that the band Heatwave invented the synchronized hands-behind-the-back-pelvic-thrust hump dance in 1976 (or circa today, exact date unconfirmed, and frankly, totally unimportant).

Today is the day that New York Giants free safety Will Demps was born in Charleston, South Carolina in 1979. Demps had 4 tackles in the Giants 14-10 win against the Houston Texans this past Sunday, Big Blue’s 5^th win in a row, which took the team’s record to 6 and 2, giving them a commanding 2 game lead in the NFC East over the Philadelphia Eagles and Dallas Cowboys, both of which teams the Giants have already defeated this year, with both wins coming on the opposing team’s home field.

Today is the day that acting legend Steve McQueen died in Juárez, Mexico in 1980 of a heart attack following cancer surgery. Tonight the Midterm Roundup will touch a kiss to the Bullitt poster that hangs above its bed.

Today is the day that a bomb exploded just outside the Senate Chamber in the north wing of the Capitol building in 1983. No Senators were injured, but the blast blew the face clear off of Daniel Webster in the portrait that was hanging on the wall across from the bomb. A conservator painstakingly restored the painting over the ensuing months, only to see it ruined again in 2005 when Senator Rick Santorum (R-PA) defecated on the painting following an incomprehensible screed on the Senate floor in which Santorum questioned Webster’s patriotism and commitment to the war on terror.

Today is the day that House Speaker Newt Gingrich resigned in 1998 following election results in which the Republican House majority unexpectedly shrunk from 22 seats to 12 seats.

Today is the day that George W. Bush was elected president in 2000. Wait, sorry… the Roundup meant to say: Today is the day that George W. Bush was “elected” president in 2000. Can you spot the change?

And of course, most importantly…

Today – this exact day, November 7, 2006 – is the day that Guitar Hero II is released in North America.

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Wait… wait, what’s this… The Midterm Roundup is receiving breaking word now through its radio ear piece… that today… today is in fact… yes it is now confirmed ladies and gentlemen, today is… ELECTION DAY 2006!!!

And to motivate everyone to get out there and vote today, the Midterm Roundup has compiled a magnificent and brilliant collection of stirring messages:

Some people are too lazy to vote. Some people think one vote doesn’t matter. Some people think all politicians are corrupt and the system will never be changed so why bother. Some people simply think it’s ok not to vote. But the Midterm Roundup can’t go for that (no can do). The only way to change the system is to vote.

You may have heard that Howard Beale is mad as hell. And he for one is not going to take it anymore. Are you?

Even if you’re not that mad, Rachel Bilson thinks you should vote, and she’s really hot… but uh, Rachel, the camera is over here. What are you looking at? Yo, Rachel! Hello? You awake? Rachel?

What about the nerdy graphic novel fan demographic? Not to be neglected, here is a V for Vendetta-inspired message for them. The Midterm Roundup was hoping for a Watchmen­-style video, but couldn’t find one. After all, that seems like a pretty good slogan for this whole drive to place Democrats back in control of congress: “Who’s watching the watchmen?”

The fact is, it is our duty as Americans today to take democracy higher. Higher and higher. The Midterm Roundup knows it can seem impossible when the Republicans are playing No Holds Barred. But instead of backing down, the Democrats have to go Over the Top. Terrible Terry Tate would tell us that when it’s game time, it’s pain time. And when the going gets tough… the tough get going. Remember – you have the ultimate power in a democracy: the power of love. That, and the power to vote. With this power, you’re like a big bear, with, with claws and with fangs. And by voting, you become… a Real American, perhaps even… the Greatest American Hero.

Democrats are like Rocky. Republicans are like Ivan Drago.

So go out there and vote the way Michael Jackson did the moonwalk: beautifully.

Go out there and vote the way 5’7’’ Spud Webb dunked a basketball: defiantly.

Go out there and vote the way Secretariat won the Triple Crown: profoundly.

And in the spirit of returning the Democratic Party to congressional power, the Midterm Roundup leaves its readers this Election Day morning with one final, inspirational note: Mark Morrison’s Return of the Mack.